The Etymology of Loss

The weeks after I lost you,

I was surprised to see

that life just keeps happening

with or without you by my side.

The solar system is still hurtling

through space.

And right now, someone is falling in love.

And the root of the word passion

originally meant to suffer.

And someone thought of the word "town"

before the word "love".

And even though a humming bird's

heart

beats 1000 times a minute,

it doesn’t compare to how fast my

heart

was beating, when I told you

that it was your body I wanted to be

lying next to during an ice storm.

That it was your body that I chose.

And when you didn’t choose mine,

in that second,

the Earth was struck with

ten lightning bolts.

But one could never be powerful enough

to restart

my ruptured heart.

m.e.o

Series of Harvested Thoughts

I

This time of year

hits me like a steam engine.

The gloom settles over me

like an annual fog

of residual sadness.

II

I am yearning to be home.

In my true home.

Wrapped in my lover's arms,

listening to her heartbeat,

and feeling her diaphragm expand

and contract.

III

I remember when we sat in her car.

She couldn't look at me.

She had to focus on driving,

and I had to on

not kissing her.

I know in the future

I wouldn't be able to resist.

I can't wait for the day

when she would kiss me back.

And if she was to get too distracted

and not see a tractor trailer coming our way,

it would be the best way to die.

Together.

m.e.o

Blind

I remember the first time I met you.

You picked up all the broken pieces of my soul,

And sewed them back together

without realizing what you were doing.

I remember the last time I saw your soul.

You ripped the thread out of  my stitches

and kissed my eyelids shut

until I could open them up

without your help.

m.e.o

cardiac catheterization

Sometimes I find myself

receding back into

the phantom limbs

that still have a grasp

on my soul.

Whenever the night

gets darker

or my chain link thoughts

get heavier.

I always somehow

end up in the comforting

yet deceitful cocoon

of wishful love

she has hidden in

her dancing veins

that pump false pretenses

into the IV

linked to my shattered heart.

m.e.o

Genetics

You know how some things

are determined at birth?

Like the ways your ears look?

or your skin tone?

or your hair color?

What if when I was born

It was determined that

I was going to fall for you?

What if when I came

kicking and screaming into this world

it was prophesied

that after first staring into your eyes

I would spend the rest of my days

having to feel you exist

so far away from me

like a phantom limb on my soul.

m.e.o

the breathing process

I think one of the most

beautiful things in this world

is the thought that maybe

when we walked next to each other

that sad and beautiful day

that we breathed in some of the same air

the thought that I could have inhaled

the same molecules

that rushed through your nose

and was warmed by your blood

and forced back out through your mouth

was the most crippling thought I’ve ever had

m.e.o

Residue

Although it's been years,

That feeling's still in my soul

When I hear your name.

m.e.o

Philophobia

Sometimes I turn up the water

in my shower real high,

so that I can be reminded

of the feeling of my blood

rushing through my veins

like it did for the first time ever

when I saw you dance.

m.e.o

Adrift

Some days I imagine

sailing in her eyes.

Her eyes that resemble

the ocean when it’s stormy.

I imagine losing sight of shore

and getting lost in between

the complex waves

the storm has created.

I imagine all the memories and feelings

I would meet at sea

with all their interesting tales.

But maybe I’m not imagining this anymore.

Maybe it has become reality

and I’m just so lost amongst the waves

I can’t tell what’s real

and what’s not.

m.e.o

| Adjacent |

I loved walking next to her

it felt so right

so natural.

It felt like the depths of the earth

were pulling us together

and binding me to her.

I would love her until

the sun eats the earth

and when the universe

as we know it

dies, and the last thing existing

would be my love

of being next to her.

m.e.o

“Straight”

She was wearing a light mint dress.

She walked steadily on 4 inch heels.

They were tan.

Her hair was perfectly straight.

So straight it was almost angular.

So straight…

It was parted to the side.

Black hair caressing her soft featured face.

I remember when she kept it curly,

But that’s not the point.

Her eyelashes were so long,

They hid her eyes.

They helped mask the true beauty of her.

Makeup applied so perfectly,

it didn’t look like makeup anymore.

it looked like her.

But maybe that was the whole point:

To trick everyone into thinking

she was nothing more then

makeup applied with a steady hand

and hair burnt too straight for comfort.

m.e.o